I had just spent three days out of Kampala with colleagues in the communication space. We had gone to Murchison Falls Conservation Area and the park. The falls too. I felt re-energised, although my body was feeling the effects of a long trip.
So, imagine my surprise when a sudden and strong feeling of sadness came over me while seated on the bus back to Kampala. I was looking out the window, the trees of Budongo Forest passing by fast. Then my eyes shifted to the front of the bus, and the sight of the road made me think of all the times Kez and I took long road trips. Her always in the driver’s seat, me always the passenger princess. Tears welled up in my eyes, my chest became tight, and I panicked for half a second. “Please don’t break down now. You’re surrounded by strangers who won’t get it.” I told myself as I took deep breaths in and out until the tightness reduced.
I had the urge to journal but I had packed my journal away in the suitcase. Thankfully, I received a phone call at that time, and I was all too glad to distract myself with work. Even the Internet connection that had been playing games tried to behave. For a moment, the sadness left me.
Then, hours later, when we were back on the bus after lunch, the feeling was back like it had never left. Again, the need to write about how I was feeling came back. Without realising it, I said out loud, “I wish I had my journal.” I realised I had said it out loud when my neighbour replied, “use your phone.” After awkwardly saying something about preferring to write with pen on paper, I opened the journal app and here I am. Feeling my feelings. It may not be to the full extent that I should be but it will do.