The beauty of letting go

Today [yesterday] I went on a trip alone and came out in one piece.  I know, I know, I’m an adult so this shouldn’t be a big deal. But it is. See, I’ve never gone on a long trip alone. If I am not with my family –parents, ‘simblings’ and all, I am with a group.

The last time I travelled to another country for a long period, I was with four other people. It was as exciting as road trips usually are. Mother had packed me enough chips, chapatti and chicken to feed a platoon, “so that you can share with your friends”. Those who have met her or been on the receiving end of her hospitality know she scores highly on the feed-o-meter. In short, the trip was a hoot.

This time, when the travel agent tasked to book flights for Chevening scholars asked which day I wanted to arrive in the UK, I chose the same day as my sisters so that I don’t travel alone. But their flight was full. This meant I was going to travel alone. Again, I’m an adult so this shouldn’t have been a problem. But it was. I imagined several scenarios of things going wrong, and me being completely alone in a foreign land. What if my luggage got lost, what if the plane had to make an emergency landing at another aiport, what if what happened to Boniface Mwangi happened to me as well [refer to his Facebook page for details]. Not even my sisters’ reminder that mine was a direct flight could ease my anxiety.

Then I was reminded by the day’s memory verse, that God commands us not to be anxious about anything. That command in Philippians 4:6-7 is usually easy for me to follow when it comes to the ‘big’ things… things such as a loved one with a terminal illness, a friend who needs a job, that couple planning a wedding with no idea where the funds will come from, in short the things we usually say call for a miracle. However, when it comes to the things I consider too small to bother God with, I always believe I should be able to handle it on my own. And that’s where I go wrong, taking on burdens I shouldn’t be.

The verse asks not to be anxious about “anything” and that in “everything” we should submit our requests to God. With that reminder on hand, and the fact that the stress from being paranoid about travelling alone was taking its toll on me, I let go, and let God take His place in that situation. I remembered that I am not in control of anything, even when I want to believe that I am. I also remembered that it is Him who set me on the journey –from the time I applied for the scholarship to this day. This reminder came on the day before I travelled, and what a relief it was!

Although there was a little snuffle with my baggage being over the required weight, it worked itself out and I got on the plane in more than good time. I got a good neighbour –the kind who doesn’t lean in to read your book, and I took advantage of my window seat. Because there was a certain peace that came with letting go of my anxiety, I was able to look out as we took off, and even landed without a care about getting sea sick or even getting pensive that something would go wrong. I watched the flaps on the wing open and close, and remembered a random article I read on how that technology was developed. In short, the last thing on my mind was the bad things that could have happened. By the time I caught up with my sisters in London, I was excited to be on this journey, knowing that someone bigger than I am is in control.

Now Lord, this cold which they tell me is nothing compared to what will hit me come winter season, let us overcome it also.

Ps

The views I express every time I write about #MyCheveningJourney are my own and in no way represent those of the Chevening Secretariat.