Waiting…

The first time I applied for the Chevening scholarship, it was from a point of desperately going through the motions so that my ‘life plan’ stays on course. Waiting to get feedback was therefore a nail-biting time. The second time was different. It was a constant lesson of what it means to wait on the Lord.

The second time my application was finalised coincided with a time when I was learning about what it means to wait on God. I had always thought of waiting in the same way you wait for a taxi to get to the stage. Before it does, the journey has not started. In short, all you’re doing is twiddling your thumbs as you wait for the taxi.

However, I got to learn that there is nothing passive about waiting. That life goes on around you when you are waiting. It is therefore up to you to be part of or let it pass you by. Thankfully, I fell in the first category through no strength of my own. I mentioned yesterday that one of the reasons I wanted to go to school was because work had become routine. Actually, my whole life had become routine. I got up, went to work, came home, and hang out with my friends sometimes. Repeat cycle.  Did I love doing these things? Sure. But I felt like something was missing.

Around the same time, there were several teachings on purpose at my church. God’s purpose for my life specifically. It got me thinking about whether I was really living with a purpose. During one of the teachings, it was mentioned that we can fulfill our purpose in our realm of influence –deep stuff, you should look it up. Upon reflection, I realised that I could do this at home with my family, and at work. All the other times I had applied, I would put almost everything else on hold, even unconsciously. Without realising it, I was not spending as much time with my family as I should have. When I did, I was distracted. At work, I was getting work done but with very little enthusiasm. It all went back to that passive waiting –when you are at the stage waiting, you may be doing something else but your mind is on the taxi.

Anyway, learning about purpose made my season of waiting more fulfilling. See, while I was waiting on God for a scholarship, he was doing other things in my life. Things which I could have missed. At work, I took on more roles which were temporary for a while but later became promotions. I made more friends outside my usual circle –which was my best friend really. These friends enriched my best friend’s and my life in a way that I could never blog about.

The next phase

Before I knew it, it was February and I had received an email from Chevening. I saw the email and read it without thinking too much about it.

It started:

“Dear Grace,

After reviewing your application for a Chevening Award 2015/2016, we are pleased to inform you that your application has been progressed to the next stage of the selection process and you have been selected to attend an interview.”

All I remember is saying, “Thank you God” over and over again, then taking a screenshot and sending it to my best friend –because that’s just what you do. Then I read the entire email and scheduled the interview.

Had I been underperforming at work during my season of waiting, I’d have resorted to lying about the interview. It’s usually difficult to be honest to your bosses when you have been slacking on the job and want time off to pursue something non-work related. Thankfully, I did not fall into that category so I was able to be truthful about the interview which was taking place during office hours.

I will never be able to explain how calm I was on the day of the interview. Advice about preparing for the interview stressed that it was important to remember what I had written in my personal statement. Fortunately, I had written mine based on the things I was most passionate about –things I can talk about with very little prompting. So I cannot say that I prepared thoroughly for it. What I did do was pray against getting a brain freeze during the interview. On the morning of the interview, I waited for my time slot at my sister’s office, sipping on the coffee she made me –like a baws, even when the nerves threatened to make me choke on it. Thanks Barbra.

During the interview, I understood what people meant when they say God held their hand. Some questions caught me by surprise so much that my first reply was, “that’s an interesting question”, followed by a laugh. I actually laughed my heart out during an interview that should have been daunting when I thought about it later. I didn’t stop at laughing. I asked if I could have a drink, poured myself a glass of water, sipped and explained why I had laughed. See the question they’d asked was what the difference between a manager and a leader was. I had laughed because a few days before the interview, while dad was giving me a lift to work, we had had a conversation about the same thing. We had talked about how someone can be in management and be a bad leader, and how not all good leaders are managers. So you see why I laughed. Of God had stolen the interview for me. I had to first tell them that story. Good thing they also laughed –except one guy who just smiled. I think he was playing the bad cop.

That was April, and the final outcome would be communicated in May. The waiting continued. Twenty four people were interviewed and they were looking for eight. When I said this to the nice officer at British high commission where the interviews were held, she said, “aaah you are getting it. Don’t even worry about it. I will pray for you every day, and you will tell me the good news when you come to pick up your letter.” I thanked her and said amen. May was only a month away after all.