Not easy to be silent in prayer

Being silent in prayer. Now there is a notion that seemed too odd for me to comprehend.

Yesterday we were having a conversation about the different ways we got into trouble in high school. Mine was for being talkative. I was always on the noisemakers list. Even if that noisemaking was just a whisper, if the teacher on duty came around and asked for the list, it meant big trouble. A few times I made the list when I was not even in the classroom. I loved to talk so much that whoever was in charge of writing the list sometimes wrote mine and a few other girls’ names first, sure that we would get around to actually talking.

As an adult –it recently dawned me that I am an adult for real, not just pretend, a conversation for another day –being talkative doesn’t get me in as much trouble. However, I have realised that I miss out on some things because I am talking too much. Not just in my day-to-day conversations but also in how I talk to God.

When silence beckoned

This morning, I started to pray. I had everything listed down; all the things I was going to pray about. Most of the things on my list are not new. As I opened my mouth, nothing. I just sat there for a few minutes saying nothing. This must be that silent in prayer business that I had read and heard about, I thought. Then it dawned on me that I have talked to God about the things on my list over and over. If it was possible to talk God’s ears off, I just might have done that. However, I hadn’t been listening.

I imagined having a conversation with my friend without letting her getting a word in. That would be one bad conversation, especially if I was asking for her advice or opinion on something. I would leave that conversation thinking what a bad and unhelpful friend she had been. That is what has been happening with my conversations with God. I have been feeling like He is not listening. Or that He only listened long enough to say no.

The silence leaves room for listening

Today, as I sat in silence, I got to hear a lot. It felt like a torch had gone on and illuminated the areas in my life that have been making me feel stuck. Why I was feeling like God was not listening yet that is all He does and more. What I saw is a selfishness that brought me to shame. I was so focused on myself and what I had to say, and even felt it was justified. After all we are encouraged to pray every day. But prayer does not always mean a list of demands. Sometimes it is sitting quietly and meditating on Scripture you just read or waiting on the Lord to say what He needs to say.

So yes, being talkative got me in trouble again. My soul was not at rest because I was thinking about all these things I have been praying about to no avail. But it pays to do what the Psalmist says, “Quiet down before God, be prayerful before him.” (Psalm 37:7). In the silence, He voice comes through loud and clear.