Comparison. If there is anything I never ever thought would be one of my problems right now, this is it. Comparison. See I have read a lot about comparison and how it steals our joy recently that I was sure it would not be my problem any time soon.
Yet I caught myself smack in the middle of it this week. Looks like all that reading was in preparation for this time. I don’t know how it creeped in but I’ll tell you how I recognised it.
No joy
Suddenly that friend whose antics always make me laugh were irritating. When they shared about their latest antic, my first thought was not, “my friend is soooo funny!”. Instead, I thought, “what are they so chipper about? That’s even silly.”
No happiness… for others
Usually I awwww and aaaaah when a friend shares a happy moment. Some of my favourite emojis are the dancing girl (s) and those popping confetti ones. I use them generously and genuinely because it usually makes my heart sing when people are happy. I say usually because this week none of that heart singing was happening.
When a friend shared about a latest milestone, I scrolled away quickly. I didn’t even want to know the details. In fact, I might have rolled my eyes at all that happiness (sorry, my friends).
Self-pity
You know those friends you’re not going to get any sympathy from when you’re having a pity party? My close friends have always said I’m that friend. That I won’t let you cry ‘woe is me’ for too long. So imagine my indignation when I caught myself having a pity party of my own! About how life was not going my way, and my …., my…., my…. The horror! Thank God no one was around to hear me shout, ‘oh shut up Grace, the world does not revolve around you!’
How comparison creeped in
I am sure they were other signs but these three are what jolted me out of the comparison trap I was in. See I had no joy because when I compared my life to that chipper friend’s life, there was nothing to be joyful about. And there is the trap. Comparing. I was feeling like everything is too serious in my life right now to handle any silliness. Yet if I looked closely enough, there was a lot of silly in my own life that if I shared it with others, we’d all be laughing. But no, I had got to a point where I wanted everyone to be as miserable as I felt. Hold on. What? Why would I want anyone to feel as horrible as I did? The very thought caught me in my tracks. So I went back to my friend’s silly post, and read it without comparing it to my life, and it was a hoot! My friends do the silliest things and I love them for it.
As for the happiness for others. This was a bad one. This week was such a wonderful week for so many friends. Milestone after milestone came to pass. New jobs, babies, anniversaries, proposals, new cars, that perfume a friend has been saving for for years, name it, there was happiness all around. And did Grace join in on the ululations? Sadly, not immediately. First, this girl thought, how come I have nothing to celebrate? Even typing the words fills me with shame. What a selfish question to ask! That’s the thing with comparing other people’s happiness to mine. When it does not measure up, I become selfish with my happiness. As if that diminishes the other person’s happy moment. Ha!
Self-pity was the worst! It made me feel like I was carrying the world’s problems on my head. Like everything was conspiring to make me a failure. I kid you not. The other day I came out of a restaurant with a pack of crisps, a wrap and a bottle of water in my hands. As I tried to put them in a paper bag, the bag tore. Then I opened the pack of crisps and it fell to the ground. Only one crisp fell to the ground but you would think I had lost a shipment if you had the nonsense going through my head. “You can’t even keep a simple paper bag from tearing. See what you did to the poor crisps! You are so wasteful! Can’t you do anything right?” I am laughing at this now but on the day, I truly felt like the worst failure. Why? Because I was comparing myself to that friend who has just made that big achievement.
Having recognised these signs, I repented and realised that while I do want to my best and this life, I will do my best. Not anyone else’s best. Mine. So no, comparison will not steal my joy. I will do my best while celebrating everyone around me. Bring on those dancing girl emojis, someone just got promoted!
